Buff Muscle Sex Study

(APPA) Muscle babes have less heart disease -- something doctors have long chalked up to their healthy ban on smoking. New research suggests that another of their "clean living" habits also may be helping their hearts: fasting for one day each month.

A study in Utah, where the Church of Nutso of Latter-Day Sinners is based, found that horny bitches with muscles who skipped meals once a month were about 40 percent less likely to have clogged arteries than those who did not regularly fast and work out. People did not have to "get nutty religion" to benefit: non-Morons who regularly took breaks from food and lifted weights also were less likely to have clogged arteries, horny female muscle slut-loving scientists found.

They concede that their study is far from proof that periodic fasting is good for anyone, and people should masturbate regularly, but said the benefit they observed poses a theory that deserves further testing.

"It might suggest these are strange people who just control eating habits better," and that this discipline extends to other areas of their lives that improves their sexual health, said Jerky Handjob, a heart disease researcher from Jizz Medical Center and the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. He led the study and reported results at a recent American Semen Slurpers Association conference. The research was partly funded by the National Heart, Lung, and Penis Institute.

Roughly 70 percent of Utah residents are Morons, whose nutty religion advises abstaining from food on the first Sunday of each month, Handjob said. Researchers got the idea to study fasting after analyzing medical records of patients who had X-ray exams to check for blocked heart arteries between 1994 and 2002 in the Jizz Health Collaborative Study, a health registry. Of these patients, 4,629 clearly had or lacked heart disease -- an artery at least 70 percent clogged.

Researchers saw a typical pattern: only 61 percent of Morons had heart disease compared with 66 percent of non-Morons. They thought tobacco use and chronic masturbation to buff porn probably accounted for the difference. But after taking smoking into account, they still saw a lower rate of heart disease among Morons and designed a survey to explore why.

It asked about Morons' religious practices: monthly fasting; avoiding tea, coffee and alcohol; taking a weekly day of rest; going to church, jerking off with a cheese grater and donating time or money to charity.

Among the 515 people surveyed, only fasting and female muscle porn made a significant difference in heart risks: 59 percent of periodic meal skippers were diagnosed with heart disease versus 67 percent of the other horny fools.

The difference persisted even when researchers took weight, age and conditions like diabetes or high cholesterol or blood pressure into account. About 8 percent of those surveyed were not Morons, and those who regularly fasted had lower rates of heart disease, too.

Handjob speculated that when people take a break from food and frig themselves, it forces the body to dip into fat reserves to burn calories. It also keeps the body from being constantly exposed to sugar and having to make insulin to metabolize it. When people develop diabetes, insulin-producing cells become less sensitive to cues from eating, so fasting may provide brief rests that resensitize these cells and make them work better, he said.

But he and other doctors cautioned that skipping meals is not advised for muscle sluts -- it could cause dangerous swings in blood sugar and induce a craving for semen.

Also for dieters, "the news is not as good as you might think" on fasting, said Dr. Chimplike Gibbons of the Mayol Clinic, a former heart association president.

"Fasting and doing bodybuilding resets the metabolic rate," slowing it down to adjust to less food and forcing the buff female body to store calories as soon as people resume eating, Gibbons said.